oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The air taste purple.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
