So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
