Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
