They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
