I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
