i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
