just come out here and I will go home with you...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
