TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
