i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
