It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
