Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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