We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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