Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
