she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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