I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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