How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it hurts more in the daytime
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
