Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
