i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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