"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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