Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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