If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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