'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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