k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
