Pappa wants mamma naked
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Life is so much better after having sex.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
