I got chris browned last night
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
