If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
