I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
