my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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