I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
