just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
