someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
