I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
