maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
