i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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