I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
