I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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