I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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