he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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