Pappa wants mamma naked
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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