how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
