Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
