Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
