Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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