I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
