one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
