so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
