I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
