That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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