dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
