I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
