I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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