he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
