D3 body, D1 cock
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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