im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
