evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
