i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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