I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
