I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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