I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
