how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Houston, we have a blender
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
