Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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