I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
