she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
