So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
