Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
