Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize