There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
