I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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