I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
