hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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