I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
