between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
