good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
