forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
