Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
40s are totally the cure
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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