Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
