yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
