It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
