I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
