but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
