my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The uberlube is also flammable
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
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