i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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