Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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