if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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