I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
